GHOSTS OF MY PAST

I sit there, thinking,

Contemplating and recollecting

Those fantasies I dreamt,

Which in real I never spent.

I wander in my mind,

Searching for answers that never unwind,

Fearing if I'd been rendered blind

In the onslaught of what I could never find.

Moments passed as I watched,

As I waited

Patiently for that one clue

To come to me right outta the blue.

I delve deep into my conscious,

Spiraling thoughts, slowly they unfurl!

Looking for subtleties, if any, it may hurl,

I pick 'em up, bits and pieces, yet precious!

These insights, they're a bird flock,

Flying away, yet so close, they mock

At me, still watching, dazed and unfazed,

I shoot at them

With my weapon of introspection,

And slowly they drop dead,

Each telling tales of insights

Which I simply realize, amazed.

Together they constitute my life,

And here they all lie,

Fragments...as if neatly cut by a knife,

Sharp edged, yet they'll all die!!

I try to put them together,

A task that seems endless and forever

And arrange them like shattered pieces of mirror.

I discover

To my horror,

They hide an untold story of terror

Of my own disambiguation.

I trace back to those days of mistakes,

And I know now the chances I spilled,

Opportunities I kicked,

Pleasures I forbade,

Together they all stare at me

In a deathly gaze and I see

They're all dead,

Pieces of my future I dreamt would last,

Are now merely the ghosts of my past.