Ego - Where Does It Lead You?

What is ego? Identity? Or personality? Or is it merely an indispensable tool to survive in this world?

EGO plays a pivotal role in a person's rise or demise. Used constructively, it can take one to heights never imagined, boosting itself in the cause, like an automated self propelled engine. And like all other fuels, this needs to be refilled too. But do we know the source? It was us who fed it all these years with achievements and success. When this is done, it looks towards others as potential sources of fuel. That's when the desire for attention and admiration arise. When this is not sufficient, it resorts to an uglier way, by stimulating (or, at least, hoping) the external world to falter, which the ego falsely believes to boost it. Thus are born hatred, jealousy, dissatisfaction and resentment. A new pathway for self damage is paved henceforth.

The solution? Dissolve the EGO. Dissolving it destroys the false identity one has towards oneself and believes the same identity is established in the society. It shatters one's beliefs and constructions that all others had so far construed upon them. It exposes one's self, stark naked, without all the achievements, glories and the success stories! What is left, NOW, is the true self, which we have forgotten and ignored out of embarrassment that the society may not value us for our true nature.

That's right! The society itself runs as a super ego today. We belong to this caste, that religion, some community or a country which establishes our identity right from the day we are born, thus dissolving us in a series of lies that we never need if the ego is no more. Our values are based in these false super values. This gives rise to conflicts - egos cannot live in harmony, anytime, anywhere, unless they are mercilessly slaughtered under the weapon of knowledge.

Animals don't have egos - they have survival instincts coded in their genes, which is essential for them. What started as a battle of survival among human species gradually turned into an addiction of success and power. Thus the kings and rulers were born, who made the rules for the common men to collectively serve to their ruler or be penalized. That's it! A new enemy for humanity, or ego's best ally, FEAR was born!! Society, religion, and codes of conduct were framed thus to facilitate the egoistic! Don't believe me? What happens when you hurl a slipper towards your ruler??

Anyways, the truth is to be understood by all. Ask yourself! How do you define yourself? If your answer is based on your material achievements, wealth, possessions, and social status, you have a long way to evolve. Rather, if you answered with terms that specify more emotions and compassion, you've nailed it!! A little reminder - material wealth, achievements, success are also possible when the ego has dissolved, or if I could say, more so. The wisdom lies in identifying the orientation we possess towards us and others, until we realize that the term 'us and others' boils down to 'we', instead of 'I'.

If you have taken your time to read this and grasp something in its way, I wish you more strength to defeat your enemy, the EGO! Finally, success lies not in defeating your enemy, but cherished best when your ego has died, and this is the time to proudly 'celebrate death'. Good luck!

A Voyage To Hope

Sailing on a sea of Fear
Illuminated by darkness, I steer.
Deafened by silence,
My mind is dipped in valence.

There are no route maps
To the Land of Nowhere.
Nor are there any recaps
That lead me to no where.

With a compass that is directionless,
On a journey that seems endless,
It seems forever and timeless,
I'm helpless, but certainly not hopeless.

I know, it lies somewhere there,
The Shore of Hope,
Is where my heart longs to dare
With nothing to do but mope.

Hungry creatures wait beneath
For me, and for my defeat.
They crawl under slowly as I sail;
Treacherous things...I see a tail!

They're doomed in Ignorance
For they can't see the Light,
They are confined to Darkness
Blindly battling a losing fight.

I persist and move on
Until I see land that shines on,
I know now, for I have reached,
The destiny I'd always dreamed.

Magic Mushrooms - An Experience

Dolphin's Nose - Kodai

This post is my individual perception of events after ingesting psilocybin mushrooms, and the following paragraphs neither recommend anybody to try these nor base my thoughts to any judgmental polarities. It is only meant for a fun read, to witness how my mind actually reacted. I had a strong urge to express these thoughts as they came, and here they are, as I put them down on paper:

"As I write this, I can feel, see, hear everything around me move in oscillatory motion and coordinate an unsung symphony that lies blended within all of the Universe and its components. This is not my actual handwriting, but I can feel it pulling my consciousness to experience a different reality that hides in there.

"Everything seems like an animated sequence, like a program, obeying the protocols to adhere to the variability in the realities they exist. My consciousness has been brought to a still state, a stillness that defines existence, things we see and perceive them to be as they are, just like the words appear to be dancing on this paper, and a background setup where everybody's just randomly tending to their needs, be it dance, happiness, joy, truth, meaning, a pattern, a newly surfaced mystery, or even a glass of water, for that matter!

"I don't know where this writing is leading me, but it appears as a strange setup of events happening around me as I sit writing here without a full stop to this sentence, I can say that everything around me blurs away and disintegrates, with only the book, the pen and myself in focus in this moment that seems eternal and endless, where I become a part of a hologram that is all inclusive, and is 'not' what it actually appears to be, where it tries to lure you towards its dark unexplored corners, every leaf of the grass plant indicating that it is all there and is obvious, but snaps off your view to reveal something that lurks behind those resting cliffs as they slowly breathe to affirm their presence, the clouds acknowledging that it has always been there.

"I still don't know why I continue to write this, despite my friends hysterically laughing beside me, walking and looping, reflecting upon each other's uncontrollable joy and laughter and the discovery of an alternate reality that has all of a sudden started to surface in a comic and humor filled manner. But I know, I'm filling junk that makes no sense to a common reader, but someone somewhere knows what I'm trying to say here. It has made me write non stop and is surely an account of how my mind thought and perceived of all that was happening around me, like an ancient encryption that longed to be deciphered, perhaps the key to explore more of this flow in its entirety, while I can simultaneously and strongly feel it had happened in a different time-reality, me being in similar setups experiencing patterns of events that start to get starkingly similar each time, circling a loop of events just happening, repeating, and you somewhere know it is playing tricks with your mind, the deja vus adding to the further confusion.

"Everything I have written here may not be true, yet it is Real. And finally, the sound of crickets and insects rhythmically interacting while I sit and listen to them intently, all point to the same truth too, or rather the same Answer, that the realization of this Ultimate Reality lies in acknowledging that 'All that there Is, is All that there Is..."

P.S.: While I was busy penning this account down, my brother, Amyth, was toying with his sketch book and this painting here resulted as a by product:

Warzone

We are all soldiers here,
Fighting a battle of egos;
Emotions, passions, and desires
Rage and rise,
Fueling a feeling of 'I'
That soars high
Above all kind,
Looking down mercilessly upon them.
Like plague, it spreads,
Reaching out its vicious arms
Against all it comes across,
Victimizing the vulnerable;
And they, too, shall join this eternal battle.
While some enjoy the boost of victory,
Some realize there's only misery.
They start a new journey
Towards eternal peace and harmony,
And all they had to do was shed
The heavy armor of ego
That was so much a part of them,
So much that they were a part of it...
Thus they are light,
And they soar,
Into the Source,
And become the Light.
So the battle continues,
With the Light shining
Upon Dark,
Illuminating and Guiding,
Until there remains no more Darkness.

RIP Lennox!

So it's finally over! The Irish Govt. has put down Lennox, the dog who resembled a pit bull terrier, that was a friendly pet, for reasons that pit bulls are banned in Ireland. And the poor soul has been termed "illegal". What's "illegal" here? The dog, though not a pit bull, being born to resemble so? Or the court that showed no mercy for the hapless creature and ordered it to be executed, though it had no records of aggression or of biting anyone? Or worse, the condition the dog suffered for 2 years imprisoned in unhygienic conditions made to sleep on dirty floor and among his own feces?

Despite several protests and petitions signed worldwide for stopping this inhuman act, Lennox is finally put out of his misery, but did he really deserve it?

It's not just Lennox's case, but the plight of thousands of animals termed "illegal" mainly owing to their birth traits, for being born as "somebody", rather than do "something" that could render them "illegal".

Humanity is not solely in protecting the interests of 'human beings', but also showing compassion and treating other beings with equal dignity. Rather, it is treated today by doing anything that solely protects the human being species by dismissing any concern for other creatures that are equally deserving of their Right to Life.

We hear several examples of children and people being bitten by street dogs in Indian roads and then what happens is pretty obvious! The dogs, irrelevant of biting or not, are either hacked to death or are executed. Yes, we see thousands of chicken and sheep slaughtered to feed our appetites and I'm no animal activist or vegan policymaker to advocate against animal cruelty, but on grounds of morality, the death of those chickens at least serves a purpose of satiating one's hunger. But before killing a non-human animal (we're animals too!) the respect for the individual animal is not at all apparent and all the focus is on getting rid of them, just to serve our purpose!

Coming to dogs, terming them illegal or aggressive just for being a particular kind of breed is unacceptable. Would these perpetrators go kill a tiger for being aggressive and hunting down their fellow mates? Yes they would, but in one shot with a bullet in the head, but not by imprisoning it in some degraded condition and starving it before "humanely" euthanizing it!

Animals are such creatures that cannot even predict what goes on the next moment and what the sadistic humanity has in their minds to exploit them. All they think of is food, shelter and love. Many have dogs for the sake of "guarding" their houses (too damn old school philosophy) rather than treat them as family members. Well, we had our dog euthanized too, but only after learning that her condition could no longer be treated and would render her suffering for the whole of her life. That's the purpose of mercy killing. Not "killing" the poor animal for "mercy" on human beings.

If you have a problem with street dogs, clean your streets and dumpyards. Animals don't simply go on vacations invading roads and biting everyone they come across. I can give several examples of meat stalls disposing their wastes inaccessible to the human eyes, but not really for a dog's senses! Raw meat and hunger surely tips off the animals to go after little children! And where are their parents? Either working or doing something somewhere (no disrespect, honestly). Understood. But, isn't it of primal importance and basic commonsense to secure your child and make sure he/she won't wander away unsupervised, rather than blame a dog for all the drama?

It's a dog and its animal instincts make it bite under certain conditions, which we don't know if the animal is hungry or if the child throws a stone at it triggering the mongrel to retaliate back in defense. We can't say, but we can, for sure, follow our commonsense, which every human is bestowed with, i assume, to ensure necessary safety is taken for protecting themselves from these attacks.

Finally, it's all in what conditions we make for ourselves and the fellow creatures around us. Remember, it's us who have encroached into their territories by destroying their habitat in the name of progress, and not them, for the mere sake of attacking, and let's remember that and treat them with equal respect for their rights, just like us.

GHOSTS OF MY PAST

I sit there, thinking,

Contemplating and recollecting

Those fantasies I dreamt,

Which in real I never spent.

I wander in my mind,

Searching for answers that never unwind,

Fearing if I'd been rendered blind

In the onslaught of what I could never find.

Moments passed as I watched,

As I waited

Patiently for that one clue

To come to me right outta the blue.

I delve deep into my conscious,

Spiraling thoughts, slowly they unfurl!

Looking for subtleties, if any, it may hurl,

I pick 'em up, bits and pieces, yet precious!

These insights, they're a bird flock,

Flying away, yet so close, they mock

At me, still watching, dazed and unfazed,

I shoot at them

With my weapon of introspection,

And slowly they drop dead,

Each telling tales of insights

Which I simply realize, amazed.

Together they constitute my life,

And here they all lie,

Fragments...as if neatly cut by a knife,

Sharp edged, yet they'll all die!!

I try to put them together,

A task that seems endless and forever

And arrange them like shattered pieces of mirror.

I discover

To my horror,

They hide an untold story of terror

Of my own disambiguation.

I trace back to those days of mistakes,

And I know now the chances I spilled,

Opportunities I kicked,

Pleasures I forbade,

Together they all stare at me

In a deathly gaze and I see

They're all dead,

Pieces of my future I dreamt would last,

Are now merely the ghosts of my past.

Freeze!!

Yesterday, I was working on my computer and, for some reason, unaware, I looked at the time on the screen and realized it was 1.28 AM, late of course for someone who has to be at work the next morning!

*PLUNG*PLUNG*

Someone pinged me on facebook (yeah! that's how it sounds on my speakers!!) and I switched tabs and found out it was an old schoolmate, well, surprisingly after a long break! Nothing substantial about the conversation though; we merely exchanged pleasantries (wotta timing!) and that was it!! He logged off, I forgot my work and got busy scrolling up and down repeating the same posts over and over again! Seemed like a long time and suddenly it struck me I had an overdue of pending work waiting at the other tab! My eye accidentally caught a glimpse of the time and it was, wait a minute!! 1.28 AM? Still? I double clicked on the time display just to check if my computer hadn't frozen! Nope! Seemed fine and working! I raised my head to look at the wall clock, which I'd made sure to be synchronized with the IST like in the computer, and behold! It's 1.28 AM!!

I looked around the room and it was absolutely silent! I went out of the house and it was absolutely still (quite normal for a quiet Bangalore with not much of nightlife, sadly!)!! The city seemed to be in a state of unconsciously deep sleep! It was not windy as I remember it, but there was no trace of any movement associated with it! No rustling leaves, no breeze that blew the fallen dead leaves off the ground, and everything seemed like a live set of lifeless life forms!! Realistically artificial!!

I went near a tree and looked at it for a moment. The leaves were motionless. I reached out for a leaf and touched it. It felt real but yet, seemed motionless and dead(!) like plastic. I looked around for any signs of movement, no vehicle noises (strange!), nor any street dogs barking! I walked past the house to the next lane that connected with the main road. I was sure there could at least be a truck going at this hour and I waited. Nothing!! Until I saw someone walking towards me...

I squinted my eyes to see who it was! The streetlights were faint and didn't seem to illuminate much. All I could see was that they were glowing! But the light somehow wasn't reaching out enough! It seemed dark, though it wasn't! The presence was closer now and I cried out to him (was a man!) but I couldn't hear myself! I tried louder this time...silence!! I could feel the effort of shouting, I was going...No!!! I should've gone breathless at least, but I hadn't realized I wasn't breathing at all until then!! I walked cautiously towards him, as he approached nearer, I saw his face and it 'was' me!!

Yes! I, or he, looked a lot younger, like back in my clean shaven days (I have a beard now! Yes, a big one!)! I tried to touch him and couldn't feel it! It was not physical, and I thought my mind was playing tricks on me! I've walked on this road umpteen times since my childhood. Uh! Did I say childhood? I saw another of me, about 14 years old, riding my red Avon bicycle (which is no more now!) down the road. I followed 'him' to the next road and lo...a bustling crowd, all of myself! In different time periods of my lifetime!

And everyone to my surprise were looping! The 14 year old was still cycling in the same place, the first version of me was still walking, and then there was another, eating gol goppas on the road side! Still eating (I'd have been full then!)! And nobody noticed me strangely, nor each other, like they were totally disconnected and unaware of where they were and what they were doing! I walked back on the same road and the trees? They were gone! The road was wider now! The houses were different! The vacant plots had full fledged apartment buildings. I walked a little further just to check if I'd missed the road but I was sure! The street where my house was is a dead end! This was it!

Suddenly I saw someone walk past me. He looked much older. No surprise this time. It was me again, 10 years into my future. I'm going bald already but here I was much balder, a little slouched and walking alone and slowly. I wanted to know what my future was and I tried to catch up with him. He seemed to walk slowly but he was quick. I tried running behind but couldn't quite catch up with my older version. Yet the relative distance between us was, well accurately, the same as I observed! And from nowhere a car entered past him into the road and started coming towards me. I was unable to realize what was happening and the car hit me...! Well, it actually passed through me like I was a wandering spirit in the earthly world! I turned back to look who the driver was (I wasn't interested what model or color the car was...it was not important at the moment).

You guessed it! A much younger version of the older one who'd just walked past appeared from the car and got inside the house! I was speechless and was finding it hard to comprehend what was going on around me! I frantically tried to follow him to get a glimpse of my future and tripped against a rock and fell...on someone! Not someone, but me! Dead! In a grave! Old and at peace! I looked at my death, aghast, and tried to see what was happening around above the 6 foot grave!

I heard wails now! I heard chattering, cries, and they were getting louder! I tried to rise up but something held me back. The crying got much louder, with women, men and children, all crying out their symphonies of grieving a close one's death and I could not take it any further. I forced myself to get up and something fell on me! It obscured my vision a little bit, but I could recognize it as soil! More of it fell and it started getting dark all around! I felt I was going breathless and the voices were getting muffled out! I tried moving but was surrounded by muddy soil unable to move a finger! It was closing in and I felt it extremely uncomfortable! I was scared if I was dying! My breath was running out and suddenly I shook!!

I shook again, not by myself, but as if someone was trying to shake me! I gasped in breath and looked around. My brother stood beside me. I could not realize what was happening. I looked around and the hazy vision slowly cleared off to reveal my room! Well lit!

"Yo! Wake up! You've dozed off already!", I heard my brother say and it startled me a moment coming out of nowhere! I realized I'd dozed off on the computer table. I couldn't believe my eyes...everything had seemed so real! I suddenly remembered something and looked at the monitor screen for the time! It quietly changed to 1.29 AM!!

*PLUNG*

My friend I was chatting with pings back saying, "Bro...u der??"